I am a people pleaser

When you’re too nice, people tend to take advantage of you. They use your kindness against you, and sometimes, they even make you feel guilty about circumstances that are not in your control or are not in your favor.

When you try to think for yourself, these same people try to get into your head and manipulate you. They use your weakness (of kindness) against you.

I’ve lost count of how many times people have done that to me. How many times people have taken advantage of my kindness. And sometimes, I let them because I can’t say no, even when I desperately want to.

I think about everyone more than I think about me. I know this is a very damaging thought, but that’s just how I am. I would care about you even if you stabbed me. Even if you walked over me and trampled me beneath your feet.

It’s a very toxic trait to have. I don’t even think it’s a toxic trait, I think it’s some form of trauma that I’m carrying, and I just don’t know how to get rid of it.

I’m a good people pleaser. It’s like I refuse to say no because I want to keep the peace even if that means it’ll cause me mental distress. If I do say no, I’ll feel guilty about it. It’s as if I carry the responsibility to ensure no one’s feelings are hurt, even if that means my own feelings are being overlooked.

This inability to say no is affecting my self-esteem and confidence. It’s draining me.  And the worst part is I’m falling into this loop. Either I say yes and cause myself mental distress, or I say no and feel guilty about it.

But when I do say yes. People start taking advantage of me. They know I won’t say no, so they’ll continue to ask me to do things.

I’m trying to break free from this cycle. The first step is to acknowledge you have an issue. The second step is to reason with yourself. Say no to yourself first. And if you start feeling guilty, reason with yourself as to why you’re feeling that way. The third step is to set boundaries. It’ll be hard at first, and you might find yourself going around in circles, but that’s okay. You learn by failing, not by giving up.